Saturday October 18, 2025 could provide some driving challenges through Lincoln City. Local scuttlebutt tells of the likelihood of packs of bewildered senior citizens walking unaccompanied along Highway 101.

A local epidemiologist has raised concerns about an airborne strain of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) that seems to be infecting once reasonable senior citizens turning them into what the doctor described as “two legged, wrinkled, parrots”
“”Trump bad! Squawk! Trump bad!” is all I can get out of them.” said the good doctor.

Drivers are cautioned to not react when random old folks order them to “Get off my lawn!” or “Turn down that damn hippy music!” 

Geriatric experts suggest continuing to ignore them as usual. “Let them blow off some steam.  Four o’clock dinner specials at Hilltop will get them off the streets, then Matlock at five and in bed by six.”

Local law enforcement seems unconcerned at this point. “Could be worse,” said one officer, “at least they’re not driving.”