Thursday, May 23, 2024

An interview with the Big Guy

In an interview you will see only on Lincoln City Homepage, I sat down for a chat with the Jolly Old Elf, Santa Claus and Mrs. Santa Claus.

Homepage:  So Santa and Mrs Claus, how are you two doing?

Santa:  “Ho, ho, ho!  We are doing very well!  Thank you for asking.  Here, have a candy cane.”

Homepage:  Thank you Santa.  My first question has to be, how did you fare during the covid drama?

Santa:  Ho, ho, ho!  Well, it was a little more difficult to get around and we had a few fewer stops so the reindeer put on a little extra weight, but I think we are all ready for a full strength Christmas Eve workout!

Mrs. Claus:  (Whispering) “It will be nice to get him out of the house.”

Homepage:  “Santa, with so many manufacturers having their supply chains disrupted, how are you and the elves keeping up with demand?”

Santa:  ” Ho, ho, ho!  What a great question and so thoughtful of you to ask!  Because we rely almost exclusively on magic to produce our toys, there have been no shortages at the North Pole-so long as the children believe in us.”

Homepage:  “That leads me to my next question Santa, do children still believe?”

Santa:  “Ho, ho, ho!  Well yes they do!  Some come and some go, but the Spirit of Christmas never completely fades away.”

Homepage:  “Santa, what is the number one request you have received this year?”

Santa:  “Ho, ho, ho!  It makes my heart so glad when I hear so many children and grown ups alike asking for world peace.  I, of course, tell them that I want the same, but I’m not in charge of that.  Then the kids usually ask for a phone or video game console.”

Homepage:  “Are you able to keep up with the demand for electronics?”

Santa:  “Ho, ho, ho!  Well, of course!  95% of electronics is magic anyway but in the off season I send the elves to California for some intensive programming training and we’re good to go!”

Homepage:  “Speaking of electronics, Santa, have you made any upgrades to the sleigh?”

Santa:  “Ho, ho, ho!  Why yes I have!  I just added a new GPS and dash cam (you’d be surprised by how many people claim that Santa damaged their roofs).  And for Mrs. Clause, I had the elves install heated reins and seats.

Homepage:  Well, Santa and Mrs. Claus thank you so much for taking the time out of your visit to Lincoln City to talk with us.  One last question, if I may;  where do you vacation after Christmas?  Where does Santa Claus go to relax?”

Santa;  “Ho, ho, ho!  Florida.  We have a vacation house near Boca Raton.  Six weeks of sunshine and relaxing with friends.  We play a lot of cards and walk on the beach.”

Homepage:  “Thank you Santa, thank you Mrs. Claus.

Santa:  “Thank you and merry Christmas to all!”

Don Williams
Don Williams
Don Williams serves as publisher and editor of The Lincoln City Homepage.


  1. Outstanding interview, I was fairly relieved to see the “big guy” was not a
    political figure, although some persons could be confused and I suspect the
    results would be most amusing.
    World peace…certainly an altruistic wish, I’m down with that, causing trouble
    takes so much more work.
    I’m not sure if the switch from “clause” to “claus” was a word play, or just a joke over my head. At least we didn’t see any “claws”.
    I have seen unusual roof damage during my 30 years as a roofing contractor,
    so… maybe that’s what those brown marbles were.

  2. I am disappointed. I expected Santa to merit some more interest.
    Maybe people just don’t know the Homepage is back- I think you need
    some over the top publicity, let me know, I have a lot of unused fireworks,
    I’m sure we could get some attention. The jail is full, right?
    While over the top is on the plate, if you want to see the best decorated house in
    Lincoln City and most likely the only Nativity not threatened by liberalism, come
    over to my house. Good behavior appreciated.


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